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Five classic toys re-worked for 2014 - by Andy

Posted by Andy on 24 September 2014 at 20:28

Remember those great games for kids that you had when you were younger? Remember how inappropriate they seem for the current generation? We've re-worked some classics and they are now available for the public! Be the first to try them!

Things have moved on since we were kids so it was time to put a new spin on some classic games. Which one will be the number one seller this Christmas? Let us know and YOU COULD WIN ONE!!

Monopoly 2014 Edition

Five classic toys re-worked for 2014 - by Andy - mortgage.png
Fed up of thinking that you can own Mayfair for £400? Want to demonstrate to the family the realities of 2014 London? Try our BRAND NEW version of the old classic.

It's the game that will appeal to everyone!

Grandparents :

  • start the game owning most of the property and get to stubbornly refuse to sell anything unless a Russian cash buyer turns up
  • get Free Parking on EVERY FRICKING SQUARE and once they are parked there, no-one can get past

Parents :

  • will LOVE waiting for granny to die so that they can fight over her assets
  • don't forget to give most of your inheritance to the taxman though! Because being taxed once is NEVER enough!
  • Get Out Of Jail Free as long as they promise not to be naughty again
  • don't just get fined for landing on a station - they have to pay an extra £3 to get a Double MoccaChoca Latte

Children :

  • will LOVE being refused a mortgage
  • will realise that there isn't any property that is affordable unless they bump off granny!

It's the game that will keep the family at war for years to come!

Operation - the game for wannabe doctors and lawyers!

Five classic toys re-worked for 2014 - by Andy - operation.png
Got one kid who wants to be a lawyer and one who wants to be a doctor? Bring them together with our fabulous re-working of the old classic 'Operation!'!

The doctor :

  • spends lots of time in training, diligently learning how to do the job under pressure

The lawyer :

  • stands behind the doctor and shouts "LAWSUIT!!" every time that the doctor makes a mistake!
  • OH NO!!! Wrong organ? That's double the fine and the doctor has to do the next removal with a blindfold on!
  • No mistakes? No worries! Shout "LAWSUIT!" right in the doctor's ear and see if that causes one

How does the game end? When the doctor decides that surgery ain't as flash as it seemed and retires to a nice job as a GP.

The Andydoll 2000

Five classic toys re-worked for 2014 - by Andy - andydoll.png
Have you seen those dolls that can laugh and cry and even wee ON DEMAND?!?! Well we've re-worked them because every seven year old girl or boy (yes - we are gender-neutral!) should know that real babies DON'T cry on demand.

Meet the Andydoll 2000 :

  • new sensors mean that it will only poop itself or have a wee if you are wearing freshly laundered clothes
  • think that's it in the nappy? Not with the Andydoll 2000!! After you take the nappy off, she'll fire another 20cc of the brown stuff all over your face as you peer at her
  • Cry on demand? That's SO 1990. This doll only cries at night or when you have friends round
  • To complete the real effect, there is NO off button or volume control. And if you try to throw it away, it has a homing sensor so that it will post itself right back to the door!
  • Do you like accessorising? No problems. The Andydoll comes complete with eight different tops that won't fit over its head and it kicks like a donkey on speed when you try to put trousers on it
  • You want more? Our masterpiece will randomly bleed and only stop screaming when you take it to A&E and get a doctor's note.

Health and Safety Snakes and Ladders

Five classic toys re-worked for 2014 - by Andy - sl.png
Worried about the dangers of snakes and ladders? Our fabulous new version features worms (non-toxic) instead of snakes and a more workplace-friendly version of the ladder!

Come to a snake? :

  • No-one knows which end is which on a worm anyway, so make your own decision as to whether to go up or down
  • Live in West London? Then you probably use environmentally friendly compost? Flip the board over where the worms are twice as long

A ladder? :

  • I hope you've got the paperwork for that! Every time you come to a ladder, you have to miss a go and wait for the paperwork to come through
  • Is it more than two steps? Then you're gonna need scaffolding too - miss three more goes!

Scalextrix Electrix

Five classic toys re-worked for 2014 - by Andy - car.png
Fed up of those racing car games that feature gas guzzlers? Then you need our brand new version for electric cars!

Our version will be much more familiar for kids of the electric car generation, featuring :

  • cars that will ONLY GO HALFWAY ROUND THE TRACK before they need recharging
  • maximum speed? You'll never find out but why would you need to when you are saving the environment
  • one player gets to play the mechanic! Just sit back and wait for the cash to roll in

Just keep going round and round until you are praying for a breakdown.

Got any more great games to re-work? Let us know!

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